Let’s figure things out together.
How can I balance friendships at the start of a romantic relationship?
If you ask me…
Be intentional. More often than not, I see friendships go by the wayside as relationships start to develop. While a new relationship can be exciting and all encompassing, you always need your people. Your “call anytime of the day, and I’ll be there” people. Your “spill everything I’m here to listen” people. Even just your “text me when you get home safe” people. Without those people in your life, you won’t have anyone to turn to if anything (and yes there will always be something) in your romantic relationship isn’t going strong. These people have always been there for you. Think of it as making more room for more people, not squishing everyone into the same space that was there before. Fostering friendships is just as important as fostering a romantic relationship. Like anything, it’s a two way street. Be intentional about your time and communicate your problems. If you want something ask for it. If you feel like you’re not giving enough, change it. Sometime’s all it takes to get back to where you were in your friendship is an honest conversation about what’s not working. If your partner isn’t supportive, that should be a big WHY in your mind. There is always a healthy balance. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of time and effort to find.
What do I do if me and my parents aren’t seeing eye to eye?
If you ask me…
Where are you each coming from. The biggest reason people argue is because they don’t understand the reason and intention behind what the other person is fighting for. Even if they do recognize their feelings, there is usually a disconnect between knowing and understanding. None of us are the same. Let me say that louder for the people in the back. NONE OF US ARE THE SAME. That goes for the people that you literally share DNA with. Our lives, our experiences, and our opinions can differ dramatically. That’s where empathy comes in. Understanding and sharing the feelings of others (that’s the definition of empathy by the way) is more than just knowing how the other person feels. It’s literally putting yourself in their shoes and attempting to see exactly their point of view from where they’re standing. And it’s hard. But it’s doable. You may think that your mom or dad or whoever is completely wrong in their thinking, but that’s because you’re thinking of it as YOU. From YOUR perspective. Take a second. Take ten seconds. In fact, walk away and go to your room or put down the phone and really think about why they feel the way that they do and why they act the way that they act. After you really think and try your best to empathize, you may still be at a place that you don’t understand. If that’s the case, ask. Ask in a NON- jugdemental- you’re wrong- I’m trying to get you to change your mind kind of way. You might be surprised by what you learn. Even if there is no explanation, at least you’ve done your part in truly trying to manage the problem from their perspective. You can’t control how anyone else reacts and you can’t control how anyone else responds to a situation, but you can always control YOUR reaction and YOUR response. Remember that next time you slam the door.
Hang in there